Gaining a Little Perspective

Yesterday I ignored the nagging feeling I had to keep Jonah home and allowed him to go to the Kids Club two darling teenagers in our neighborhood had put together.  Jonah hit another little boy with a shovel, sending him to InstaCare where he received 5 stitches in his forehead.  Luckily the mother of the hurt child was extremely forgiving and understanding.

I was horrified.  I constantly feel conflicted over what to do with Jonah.  He desperately needs the social interaction with other kids.  Situations like Kids Club are perfect for him to learn and grow.  But is it fair to the other kids?  They deserve to be safe too.  He's just so unpredictable and impulsive.  I'm tired of feeling embarrassed over his behavior.  He's old enough now that we can't pass him off as a busy toddler who throws fits.  His behavior draws more attention.  I just want to be able to go places with my kids and enjoy our time together without the stress and constant worry over what he will do.  Sometimes it's exhausting.  And I know to be grateful that he's so high functioning.  His prognosis for living a normal life is great with the right care and intervention during this very precious window of development and time in his life, and yet I feel a tremendous amount of pressure and stress that if I don't get things right with him now that he won't get that normal life.  During moments like yesterday I feel as if I haven't given him all that he needs to be successful, and that window will close and he will struggle the rest of his life and it will be my fault.

This morning I talked to a good friend who recently lost a family member who was a child.  She shared with me a very sacred experience which reminded me of how thin the veil is between this world and the spirit world.  It was the perfect reminder for me that as hard as things are with Jonah, I don't have to do this alone.  I know I am receiving help from the other side which will continue as I raise Jonah and the rest of my children.  It was just the perspective that I needed to buoy me up so that my desire to keep trying and keep going is replenished.  I don't know what the future holds for Jonah, but for some reason the Lord saw fit to send him to me to raise.  I know I have a lot to learn and still worry that I will get things right with him, but knowing that I'm not alone, that I have a good husband, family members, neighbors, members of my church congregation and even angels that are here among us that we can't visibly see right now lifts the burdens from my shoulders considerably.